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In A Daze February 10, 2010

Posted by musicmom67 in Uncategorized.
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I sit here in a daze wondering how the New Year started out with such aspiration and positive thoughts and then sure enough, my world turned upside down.  As if there haven’t been enough struggles on the home front, we get handed more.  My marriage was dragged through hell and back and was finally coming up for air.  They say money can’t buy happiness but right now, I most definitely could prove that statement wrong.  I finally land the job I have been after for a decade and the joy of that has been sucked out from under me.  The economy and its ugliness has found its way into our home.  Two very hard working people are in a position right now that is just wrong.  Having to file chapter 7 bankruptcy has been a horrible blow to mine and serious guy’s egos.  Two people with great credit, pay their bills on time start to find that the credit cards aren’t playing by the rules anymore, add to that materials costs in a construction market that changes daily and leaves you eating the additional costs and lets not go into the $1200/month gas costs to drive out to the work.  It all became too darn much and we had to throw in the towel on our liquid debt. We see an attorney and are assured you file on liquid only and retain home and vehicles, gives you a fresh start and all is well.  Well?  Hmmmm that is until your attorney f*cks up your asset schedule and now you are facing losing the only vehicle you own.  You own it because you rolled it into your home equity loan the first time you tried to solve the credit card fiasco.  Figure you have the title in case of emergency you can sell it.  WRONG!  Now the state of PA owns all of our shit, even our savings account.  All the people that we have helped through the 19 years we have been married cannot possibly help out in any way.  We are not asking for handouts, we are asking for a loan.  I have helped out many people in my life even when I was in no position to do so.  I always tip people, am kind to people, send in contributions and volunteer the time I don’t even have but I do it because it is the right thing to do.  I suppose there are lessons to be learned here.  One I have learned is that the people who have next to nothing, will give you anything they can spare even if they can’t spare it but have been down the same road and do it anyway.  I do not want to take away from this experience that I need to become a tight ass.  It is against my nature.

I can tell you what extreme stress does first hand to a family.  My gums are so painful and bleeding right now because of stress.  I cannot go to the dentist and have the proper treatment because I cannot afford it.  I feel like a vice is squeezing my head 24/7.  I snap at my children who look at me in confusion as to why I am ripping their heads off.  I pop aspirin because of arm pain.  I watch serious guy deal with daily chest pain and once I start my job he will have a cardiac work up and we can see how his heart is doing.  He feels like he is having a heart attack daily.

I look at my car and think it will soon not be in the driveway.  Despite over 20 years of working I will likely be taking the bus to work.  The vehicle I took care of, kept the miles low and wanted to drive into the ground will be most likely taken soon……………

It is surreal to be sitting in this position but if I ever get back on my feet, it won’t happen again.  I have worked to hard to be in this place but here I sit.  I have common sense but I cannot figure my way out of this.  I don’t even care about myself, I care about my kids and the life they had and now the life they have.  I didn’t ever once think for a second that they would be worse off than I was as a child.

I pray every day.  I try to figure things out and I guess time will tell how this all pans out.  Right now its just too much to deal with.

Bye Bye 2009 January 7, 2010

Posted by musicmom67 in LIfe in General, Music.
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A neat video from one of my fav music sites.  Best listened to with a good set of ear buds.

https://www.masterbeat.com/#general/countdown

I need to live on a farm, well sometimes. January 6, 2010

Posted by musicmom67 in Random Thoughts.
2 comments

My interests are truly so varied it is hard to believe that one person can have such non-related points of interest.  While I would love to find a great gym with good classes as getting on a piece of exercise equipment is the epitome of boring to me, I would also love to find a good urban dance group.  I quit my two decade dance studio because the studio owner (who has become “born again”)  has decided that anything remotely interesting to dance to and edgy, is the work of the devil.  If music does not evoke the sensation that I cannot sit still no matter where I am, I’ll pass thanks. 

I am digressing here.  I have been pondering what to do this spring to update my yard to reflect some of my other interests.  The kids are pretty much done with the huge swingset and clubhouse monstrosity we have, but it will be sad to take it down and then what will we do with the new toddler generation that has erupted in my husband’s family when they are running around the yard?  It even has a snazzy sandbox oh and did I mention it cost a fortune and was a total pain to build, even for my contractor husband?  However, I have the desire to start a chicken coop and have a really great garden.  I have this vision of being able to sustain my own food sources and just go out and pick whatever I desire, fresh off the plant so I don’t have to drive to the store and spend money on crappy produce.  See where the farm living situation comes in handy?

These two new interests I am rather clueless about though.  Living in the Northeast where it is currently frigid, I have no idea how I will sustain a chicken coop but I think it would be fun to have a few chickens in the yard and fresh eggs.  I think it would also be cool for my kids to have this experience of seeing the whole process, though we may not want to eat chicken afterward as I assume we will become attached to them.  It is hard enough to find somewhere to put the dog (bichon/poodle) when we want to go anywhere let alone who will tend to the chickens.  SG (Serious Guy)  wants to build a monster garden with the best tomatoes ever.  The problem is where to put it so it will actually grow and not get eaten by the many garden loving critters we have around.  Which reminds me, we still never managed to capture the huge snake roaming the yards this past summer who scared the living crap out of me on many occasions.  I happen to detest insects and am not a huge fan of weeding or either so it is also another undertaking that I should seriously think about starting something I don’t care to finish.  My interests could prove to be a recipe for disaster.  My ventures would more than likely result in these outcomes:

Getting Back on the Wagon January 4, 2010

Posted by musicmom67 in Uncategorized.
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Fresh into the new year, new start of the week and I am back on the wagon.  What wagon?  The diet and exercise wagon that keeps throwing me off violently but I have this delusion of becoming fit, healthy and fitting into clothing I care to wear.  I have to admit I strayed pretty far from getting back on this time, but endless drama and stress will tend to do that to a person and I am not one to gravitate to healthy habits when at my wits end.  I know what to do to acheive my goals, I just have to implement those methods for more than a week.  Cooking is one of my strongest passions and it does not bode well with dieting.  I know, I know I can cook healthy foods but where I live, good produce is not abundant and it is just more fun to cook the bad stuff.  I logged an hour of exercise today.  I have no equipment other than a exercise ball and a set of dumbells but I put my iPod on and jumped around a lot until I sweated and lifted some weights.  I probably only burned off half of my Weight Watcher’s frozen dinner and that is if I am lucky!  Day one is under my belt.  Now I just have to make it to bedtime without finding anything to snack on.  Water anyone?

Navigating Through the New Decade January 2, 2010

Posted by musicmom67 in LIfe in General.
3 comments

I am finally jumping on the blogging bandwagon.  I figured its about time.  This blog will document my life and perhaps someone will be interested in reading about it.  : )  I love to cook and love music and love to dance but that is something seldom practiced anymore.  My goal for the new decade is “healthy” in as many forms as I can accomplish this.  Time to stop taking this body for granted and start taking good care of it.  My cast of characters in my family are my husband (Serious Guy or SG), ID (Introverted Daughter) and OG (Outgoing Son).  Follow us on our journey through this decade if you like.

Happy 2010 to all!

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